FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

I Have Added ‘hehe’ to My Texting Repertoire

– Today I announced that, effectively immediately, I will begin using “hehe” when texting friends and family. 

“Hey! Just FYI, I’m gonna start using ‘hehe’ in my texts,” I wrote in the official announcement text. “I think it’s a smart move for me as an aging, Gen-X, single dad. And since it is slightly out of character, I’m letting you know as fair warning! hehe” 

While there was no immediate response from my children, former wife, or friends on the announcement, it was the right decision, I announced. First, the nearly effortless incorporation of “hehe” into my texting repertoire will add more depth and nuance to my text conversations by providing a fresh “I’m laughing” alternative to the overused “haha,” “ha!”, “haaaaa,” “LOL,” “lolol,” “literally LOLing,” Laughing Face Emoji, Psychotic Smiling Cowboy Emoji, and the Michael Scott From The Office Laughing GIF.

But there’s more.

“While talking with other Gen-X dads who use ‘hehe,’ we found that when texted in the right circumstance, the meaning of the ‘hehe’ can seem wildly unclear when coming from an aging, perhaps out of touch dad – from kind to conniving to disoriented, or even an indication of early-onset dementia,” I said in the announcement. “And for the very reason that it can seem cryptic, it allows us to deflect, confuse, subvert, and derail conversations at our leisure.”

The key is the use of “hehe” and its manifold connotations, I announced.

For instance, I announced, along with communicating a soft, perhaps genuinely sweet laugh at an unsolicited picture of a puppy or kitten, “hehe” can be used as a polite though dismissive giggle at something that is not so funny – like a friend’s unsolicited rant on the awful state of political discourse in this country.

“But what really intrigues me,” I continued in the announcement, “is the use of ‘hehe’ in a way that has only tangential relevance to the previous text, so that the recipient is left feeling puzzled in such a vaguely gaslighted way that they are unlikely to text again, at least for a while.”

Some examples of the strategic applications of “hehe”:

When my adult daughter texts that she found a new apartment and needs help with the down payment, I will text back, “hehe.” When my son in college texts that he’s going to the beach and needs $20 for “food,” I will text back, “hehe.” 

In the above scenarios, it is entirely reasonable to my children that their aging father is either not taking their money demands seriously and should not be bothered again, struggling to communicate by text, or awkwardly communicating his enthusiasm for their latest life updates – apartment, beach – with a “hehe.” And they will wait to ask again for the money.

Likewise, I announced, my former spouse can ask me by text to pay the college tuition this semester, and I will respond with “hehe.” Without further clarification, it could be read as a congenial “hehe” – a “whoops, forgot, we’re all in this together, I’m busy right now, but I’ll get to it.” Or, when she texts back three days later and asks why I didn’t pay the tuition, I can text, “Oh, I thought you were joking, hehe.” And I will have succeeded, for three whole days, in not paying thousands of dollars to the college, and that is what matters here. Only then will I pay it.

“It works similarly with friends,” I said in the announcement. “When someone texts to see if I want to play pickleball, I will text back ‘hehe.’”

In this scenario, I have succeeded in maintaining the friendship by not ignoring their text, I announced. They might even expect a follow-up response that clarifies the “hehe.” And when I don’t offer this, they might start second-guessing. Maybe the “hehe” indicates that I don’t take pickleball seriously, hehe, or that I am plotting something mysterious and/or up to no good (and therefore busy, hehe). Maybe I accidentally texted that response to them because I was so busy with another text thread populated by friends who don’t play pickleball?

As time passes, it will become clear that the “hehe” was one of those bewildering middle-aged dad responses, and they will likely text someone else to play pickleball. Which is the ultimate goal. 

All from a single use of “hehe,” I announced.

Conversely, to let that same friend know that I’m still thinking of them, I will reach out to them first (after checking the weather forecast) and ask them to play pickleball on Saturday, I announced. To which they will respond, “That’s the day the hurricane is supposed to hit.” And to which I will respond, “hehe.” 

Was I kidding about pickleball? Or am I laughing at myself for not knowing that a hurricane is coming? Or maybe I wanted to play a practical joke and get them to stand in a hurricane while wearing pickleball gear? It’s fantastically unclear, I announced.

Further still, I announced, as a middle-aged person who still dates occasionally, when a potential love interest texts “hehe” in response to my texted dad joke, I will respond in turn with a “hehe” of my own. This pending battle of “hehes” will determine the very nature of the relationship – and might even end the whole thing early with one too many “hehes.” Which, let’s face it, is always welcome at my age, I announced.

Follow-up texts to my “hehes” that seek specific clarification on the meaning of the “hehe” in question  will be met with a nonresponse until the following day, I announced long after everyone stopped paying attention to the announcement, hehe. Regarding my children seeking money: I will more than likely wait a day or two, and only then will I send the cash through an app, with “hehe” in the note, further muddling our shared understanding of “hehe.”

This fall, I will publish a book titled, “When and Why I Use ‘hehe’: My Journey to a Happier Texting Lifestyle,” I added in the text announcement, with wide distribution to LinkedIn Thought Leaders. It will be followed by another book titled, “How Millennials and Gen-Z Can Use ‘hehe’ to Live at Home Longer: Texting Advice From a Bonafide Boomer,” the title of which includes a joke that the target audience won’t get. It will be sold at FedEx Office. 

After the book tours, I will discuss my stance on “hoho,” “heh,” and “huh,” I announced.

For more information, I can be contacted by text.

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© 2022 Jamie Allen